"It seemed like a good idea at the time."
I’ve been waiting for it to hit me. The sadness. The grief. The despair. It’s there, I know it is, simmering under the surface. But it can’t get past the layer of white hot rage that’s been bubbling over me for the last several days. I’m so tired. We’re all so tired. Tired of thinking […]
Read More“It’s not the destination; it’s the journey.” I’ve never been great at savoring the journey. I feel like a lot of runners struggle with this. We have a goal race, maybe a goal time; trying to set a PR, or qualify for something, or get on the podium. Achieve, achieve, achieve. But when we finish […]
Read MoreI had a lot of expectations and hopes for parenthood. Like with most things, many of these were probably unreasonable, even under the best of circumstances: that I would keep running all through pregnancy; that this would make coming back to running postpartum much smoother; that I would come back stronger, tougher, faster, crushing PRs […]
Read MorePansies have been my favorite flower for the longest time. It’s their colors. It’s their sweet little thoughtful faces, their name derived from the French, pensée, “thought.” All the different varieties, from tiny violets to the rich, wide spread of purple or yellow or multicolored blooms. It never made sense to me that the word […]
Read MoreI’m not sure how to count this break any more, because last week (week six, I guess), I ran twice. Last Wednesday, I slipped out of bed to an early alarm while my husband took a rest day. It was warm and drizzly rain out, and he probably figured I was going to do a […]
Read MoreI wasn’t sure how this break would feel. If it would make me happier, or depressed, or rejuvenated, or cranky. I honestly expected a combination of these things. And while I’ve had moments of negative feelings surrounding this break* , most of the feelings I’ve had have been positive. (*mostly following interactions with well-meaning acquaintances […]
Read MoreI have decided to stop running for a while. Those words are really hard to say, to write, to feel. But I need to say it, to acknowledge it, to do it. I’m burned out. And it’s not going away. It’s hard to say for certain when this all started, but I feel like it […]
Read More“Comparison is the thief of joy.” So they say. Running can involve so much comparison. Other runners to ourselves. Yesterday’s pace and split data – or last week’s, or last year’s – to today’s. Three-year-old PRs to today’s finish times, when life is completely different. Apples and oranges. Then me versus now me. So how […]
Read MoreI’ve been thinking about writing all day. Between dragging myself out of bed (despite a warm and cuddly cat who crawled in for a while), lifting weights, dealing with various frustrations at work, sitting and waiting around at the end of the day for someone to finish a meeting so I could transport that person […]
Read MoreIt’s been a little while. Where do I even begin? The last several months have been…difficult. Uneven. Challenging. Heartbreaking. Motivating. Fun. Rejuvenating. All of these things at different times and sometimes a few at the same time. In June I ran a trail half-marathon – my first – and it was one of the hardest […]
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